Being Dutiful to Parents

There are many verses that place the pleases of parents after the please of Allah, and the virtue of being dutiful to them is a level after the virtue of having faith in Allah. Allah decreed, which can be translated as, “We enjoined upon man to be dutiful to his parents. His mother bore him in weakness upon weakness, and his weaning lasted two years. (We, therefore, enjoined upon him): “Give thanks to Me and to your parents. To Me is your ultimate return.” (QS. Luqman: 14).

Also in chapters Al Isra’ (The Night Journey) 23-24; An Nisa’ (The Women) 36; Al An’am (The Cattle) 151; and Al Ankabut (The Spider) 8.

There are five criteria that indicate the dutifulness of a child to his parents:

First, giving no bad comments on seeing or hearing something unpleasant from his parents. Instead, he shall choose to be patient and wish for rewards from Allah by that, as both of them used to be patient when they smelled unpleasant odors from him, in his childhood. They never felt troubled or bored with it even for bit.

Second, never trouble both of his parents by hurtful words.

Third, saying a gentle speech to them, together with polite attitude that shows his respect to them. Not calling them directly by their name, not uttering harsh voices in front of them. Not glaring his eyes sharply to them, instead, he should lower his gaze to them and look to them in a gentle and humble way. Allah decreed, which can be translated as, “and be humble and tender to them and say: “Lord, show mercy to them as they nurtured me when I was small.” (QS. al-Isra/The Night Journey: 24)

Urwah said that if your parents did something that caused you to be angry, you should not glare to them. Because the first sign of someone’s fury is the sharp glare that he gives to the person whom he is angry with.

Fourth, praying to Allah so that Allah will love them as the return for their love to him.

Fifth, being humble and lowering himself to them, by obeying them as long as they didn’t order him to do wickedness, and trying his best to give them whatever they wish as a form of love of a child to his parents.

Allah’s order to be dutiful to one’s parents is a general order, encompassing things he likes or dislikes. Even, the Qur’an contains order for every child to be dutiful to their parents, even if they are disbelievers.

“But if they press you to associate others with Me in My Divinity, (to associate) those regarding whom you have no knowledge (that they are My associates), do not obey them. And yet treat them well in this world, and follow the way of him who turns to Me in devotion. Eventually it is to Me that all of you shall return, and I shall then tell you all that you did.” (QS. Lukman: 15)

Requirements to be A dutiful child

There are three requirements that must be fulfilled for a child to be considered as a dutiful child to his parents.

First, prioritize the please and joy of his parents over his please, his wife’s, his child’s, and all other human being’s.

Second, obey his parents in every thing that they order, or they prohibit, whether it suits him or not, as long as they do not order him to do wickedness.

Third, give both of his parents every thing that he knows they like it before they ask for it. This should be done by his willingness and please, and always being accompanied by an awareness that he hasn’t done anything enough for them, even though he has given them his life and wealth.

The virtue of being a dutiful child

1. It is one of the most loved deed to Allah

From Abdullah Ibn Mashood, he said, “Which deed is the dearest to Allâh?” He replied, “To perform the (daily compulsory) Salât (prayers) at their (early) stated fixed times.” I asked, “What is the next (in goodness)?” He replied, “To be good and dutiful to your parents.” I again asked, “What is the next (in goodness)?” He replied, “To participate in Jihâd (religious fighting) in Allâh’s Cause.” (Narrated by Bukhari and Muslim)

2. A dutiful child will enter the Paradise

From Abu Huraira, I heard the messenger of Allah – peace and prayer of Allah be upon him- said, “May his nose be rubbed in the dust, may his nose be rubbed in the dust, may his nose be rubbed in the dust.” It was said: “Who, O Messenger of Allâh?” He said: “The one whose parents, one or both of them, reach old age during his lifetime and he does not enter Paradise.” (Narrated by Muslim)

From Muawiya Ibn Jahima from his father, -may Allah be pleased with him-; I met the Prophet -peace and prayer of Allah be upon him- and discussed about martyrdom with him. The Prophet asked, “Are both of your parents alive? “. “Yes,” I replied. The Prophet said, “Be close to them always, because indeed, the paradise is under their feet.” (Narrated by Thabrani. Al Mundziri commented that the status is jayyid (good)).

3. A dutiful child will have a longer life and increased sustenance

From Salman, indeed, the messenger of Allah -peace and prayer of Allah be upon him- said, “None might reject the divine will but prayer, and none might add the age but righteous deeds.” (Narrated by Tirmidhi; classed good/hasan by Al Albani).

Anas said, “Whoever wants to be given a long life and sustenance, should be dutiful to both of his parents and maintain good relations with his kith and kin.” (Narrated by Ahmad).

4. All of righteous deeds of a dutiful child will be accepted and his mistakes will be forgiven

Allah the Exalted decreed, which can be translated as, “We have enjoined man to be kind to his parents. In pain did his mother bear him and in pain did she give birth to him. The carrying of the child to his weaning is a period of thirty months. And when he is grown to full maturity and reaches the age of forty, he prays: “My Lord, dispose me that I may give thanks for the bounty that You have bestowed upon me and my parents, and dispose me that I may do righteous deeds that would please You, and also make my descendants righteous. I repent to You, and I am one of those who surrender themselves to You.” Such are those from whom We accept their best deeds and whose evil deeds We overlook. They will be among the people of Paradise in consonance with the true promise made to them.” (QS al-Ahqaf/The Curved Sand Dunes: 15-16)

From Ibn ‘Umar -may Allah be pleased with him- , there was a man who met the Prophet -peace and prayer of Allah be upon him- and said, “Indeed I have done a really horrible sin. Is there any way for me to repent?” The Prophet asked him, “Is your mother alive?” He replied, “No.” The Prophet asked him again, “Do you have an aunt from your maternal side?”. He replied, “Yes.” The Prophet said. “Be dutiful to your aunt.” (Narrated By Tirmidhi)

5. A dutiful child will get the please of Allah

From Abdullah Ibn Amr, the messenger of Allah -peace and prayer of Allah be upon him- said, “The please of Allah is determined by the please of both parents, and the wrath of Allah depends on the wrath of both parents.” (Narrated by Thabrani; classed sahih by Al Albani).

6. Prayers of a dutiful child will be granted and his troubles will be diminished

Among indications of this point is the story of Ashabul Ghar, that is the three men who were trapped inside a cave. One of them is a very dutiful man to his parents. (Narrated by Bukhari and Muslim).

7. Being dutiful It is more excellent that Hijra and Joining the Holy War

From Abdullah Ibn Amr Ibn Al Ash, “A man came to the Prophet of Allah -peace and prayer of Allah be upon him- and said: ‘I swear my allegiance to you, that I will migrate and engage in Jihad , seeking reward from Allah.’ He -peace and prayer of Allah be upon him- said: ‘Are either of your parents alive?’ He said: ‘Yes, both of them.’ He said: ‘Are you seeking reward from Allah?’ He said: ‘Yes.’ He said: ‘Then go back to your parents and be a good companion to them.'” (Narrated by Muslim)

8. Parents of a dutiful child will be please and pray for such child

If a child is being dutiful to both of his parents, they will certainly be happy, and that is indication of their please to him. And due to that, they will pray for him, and the prayer of both parents are definitely answered.

There are three people whose prayer are definitely answered without doubt. They are: the prayer of an ill-treated man, the prayer of a traveller, and the prayer of parents for the sake of their child.” (Narrated by Ibn Maja and classed good by Al Albani).

9. Children of a dutiful child will be dutiful to him either

Being dutiful resembles a debt, thus, as one being dutiful to his parents, his child will do similar to him too.

10. A dutiful child will never be sorry about his attitude

A child who isn’t dutiful to his parents will feel a deep sorry when his parents are dead, while he hasn’t being dutiful to them yet.

11. A dutiful child will be praised by people

Being dutiful to one’s parent is a noble quality and one possesses such quality will be praised too. The story of Uwais Al Qorni is among the indications of this point.

12. Being dutiful is the quality of the Prophets

Regarding Yahya (John) -peace be upon him-, Allah the Exalted decreed, “and cherishing to his parents. Never was he insolent or rebellious.” (QS. Maryam: 14)

Regarding Isa (Jesus) -peace be upon him-, Allah the Exalted decreed, “and has made me dutiful to my mother. He has not made me oppressive, nor bereft of God’s blessings.” (QS. Maryam: 32)

And regarding Ismail -peace be upon him- , Allah the Exalted decreed, “and when he was old enough to go about and work with him, (one day) Abraham said to him: “My son, I see in my dream that I am slaughtering you. So consider (and tell me) what you think.” He said: “Do as you are bidden. You will find me, if Allah so wills, among the steadfast.” (QS. ash-Shaffat/Those Who Set the Ranks: 102)

Author: Ustadz Aris Munandar
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  1. muna ayzah says:

    assalamu alaikum!!!
    jazahk allahu khairan!!!
    May ALLAAH forgive us!! ameen!!!

  2. Masha Allah our religious gives us a lot time to avoid evil deeds and prostate before Allah for our sins and do righteous deeds in future…

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